Striving to make success of self-loathing

PAIGE WISER pwiser@suntimes.com

The bad news? I have recently spent actual money on:

  • • • A lavishly illustrated book by one of the “Biggest Loser” trainers, a show I have never watched.
  • • • A 2008 page-a-day calendar for “Women Who Do Too Much,” which I have not yet bothered to take out of the box.
  • • • And Scrabble for my cell phone. I figured I could keep my mind sharp by playing myself and improving my strategy skills.

You guessed it. I cheat.

Clearly, I hate myself. But there is good news: It turns out that I am directly on top of a trend, which is documented in the new book Self-Loathing for Beginners.

Author Lynn Phillips explains that, even if you sometimes love yourself, that should never stop you from loathing yourself, too. As an example, she offers up Oprah Winfrey — a woman equally known for her philanthropy and her yo-yo dieting.

“Oprah is able to layer her public self-love and private self-loathing like low-fat whipped cream and sugar-free Jell-O so that both can be tasted distinctly, but at the same time,” writes Phillips.

(The book is so smart and densely funny that several times I had to pause, just to hate myself for not writing it.)

Chicago: Capital of self-loathing

Phillips knows that we talk a good game. As Americans, we like to pride ourselves on democracy and diversity. The truth is that globally, we are considered a superficial, dangerous country absorbed in a never-ending pursuit of self-improvement . . . which inevitably leads to credit card debt and Cheetos binges.

And as Chicagoans, forget about it. We insulate ourselves from the preposterous weather with layers of parkas and fat. We root ferociously for losing sports teams. We call ourselves the Midwest, when anyone with a map can see that we are much more Upper Right. We are the Capital of Self-Loathing.